


The First Cliff

by sarah000



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Coming Out, F/M, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Oneshot, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, teenagers being teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29262348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarah000/pseuds/sarah000
Summary: “He didn’t understand why he was so angry all of sudden, but not at Moony. Never at Moony.”A drunken truth or dare in 4th year leads to a realisation of feelings and becomes a bittersweet memory after the events of Halloween 1981.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 13





	The First Cliff

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!!! So this is my first work ever so please feel free to leave comments about how you found it. I actually got this idea from a dream i had, so as soon as i woke up, i literally wrote it on my notes pages and only found it again today, so i edited it a bit and then posted it!! That’s why they’re might be a few errors. Hope you like it!!!

#### 4th Year- Halloween

“Go on Moony, your turn, truth or dare”, sang Sirius, passing the fire whisky to him.

  
“Truth”, Remus sighed. Sirius knew Moony never liked being on the receiving end of a drunken dare from James and Sirius- they never turned out well at all and usually resulted in a months worth of detentions from Minnie.

  
“Alright then Moony. In your letters this summer, you mentioned going out and meeting loads of muggles and going to parties with them. What is the most action you got over the holidays then”, James drawled out, no doubt trying to get some ammunition to tease Moony with at a later date.

  
Remus turned a bright shade of red and started choking on his drink.  
“Well i’ve drunkenly kissed four people....” he whispered looking anywhere but his friends eyes. “...and shagged two people.”

  
It was so silent, you could have heard a pin drop, before James punched the air and started catcalling him while getting up and dancing around the room and handing out more drinks to his friends. Peter had minutely shuffled towards him, obviously waiting to hear all the sordid details, but Sirius had rearranged his face into a blank mask, to hide the sudden rush of anger he felt.

  
He didn’t understand why he was so angry all of sudden, but not at Moony. Never at Moony. It was probably because two slutty girls were all over _his_ Moony; he knew Remus deserved so much more than those stupid bints. Calling whoever those stupid people names that would no doubt cause his mother to force him to wash his mouth out with soap if she ever heard him say made him feel a bit better though. He was so lost in thought, that he almost missed what Remus slightly slurred out next.

  
“....and Jessica was nice and all, and had a nice arse, but y’wanna know who had a nicer one? _Her brother._ And i know he was definitely interested because even though he was about to start 7th year he was eyeing me up, so when i let him know i was interested he took me to his house one day when everyone was out and then he started by-“

  
“So- what does that mean? Are you like, a pouf or something then?” asked Peter looking slightly confused.

  
“I’m bisexual, it means i like boys and girls” mumbled Remus, after taking a very long swig of the drink.

  
James turned his head to look at both Sirius and Peter, then turned to Remus with a big grin. “Good for you mate”.

  
Remus let out a shaky sigh of relief then put a watery smile on his face.

  
Sirius didn’t know what to think. Obviously he didn’t care that Moony likes to shag boys and girls, and obviously he didn’t care that Moony will probably go on and shag loads of different boys or girls, but that didn’t explain why he was so angry. ‘I just want the best for Moony’ he thought, but that still didn’t stop the rush to his stomach whenever he thought of Moony with anyone else.

  
Looking around the room for the source of his internal battle, he saw Remus sat near the windowsill, allowing the tiniest sliver of moonlight to creep through the curtains and illuminate his features. His golden brown hair looked so soft and Sirius imagined running his hand through his it. Then, when he threw his hair back and laughed freely at something James or Peter said and his eyes lit up and Sirius realised two things.

He was irrevocably angry because someone who wasn’t him touched Moony in the way he was beginning to want to, and he wanted to make Moony laugh just as he did now forever.

#### [====================]

Remus turned his head, feeling the eyes that had looked anywhere but him burn a path to him. He sent out a hesitant smile, and then blushed deeply again, something that always happened in Sirius’ presence these days. Mortified at his body’s reaction he looked down, but not before Sirius caught his eye and blushed as deeply as him.

  
Remus knew that he nearing the edge of a precipice, and if he chose to jump, there would be no going back. But all it took was him to steal one look at Sirius to realise that he’d jump off a thousand cliffs for the chance that his steadily growing feelings would be returned.

#### 7th Year- Christmas Holidays

Remus woke up slowly, burrowing closer to the source of warmth in his bed that was sitting up, reading one of Remus’ Muggle novels. He looked up, at Sirius, his Sirius’ face and remembers when he first allowed himself to fall for him : during a drunken truth or dare game, when they were both oh so innocent, and hadn’t experienced any of the true hardships of a world at war. But Sirius was here with him, so he was fine. Sirius had promised to be always with him.

#### 1st November 1981

When Remus first heard the news, two of his friends dead protected their child, one dead from confronting the traitor, and the one he would never be able to say out loud in prison, he didn’t think he had much to live for. Poor Harry was to be shipped off somewhere safe, at least according to Dumbledore, and had no business being raised by someone who didn’t know how to raise a child by himself.

  
He apparated to Beachy Head cliff, a place where Remus first said ‘I love you’ to the _traitor_. It hurt too much to even think his name. He took a step closer to the edge and wondered how long it would take when falling to be splattered over the rocks at the bottom, and swallowed by the ocean. He entertained this fantasy for a few moments, before forcing himself to apparate to the wreck at Godrics Hollow.

  
He knew that James and Lily would need him to stay alive for Harry, to tell him all the stories and share the memories of who his parents had been because he would have no one if Remus followed through with what his shattered heart was telling him to do. But he would endure, and be there for Harry when his time came to go to Hogwarts.

  
No matter how much the pain was tearing him up inside mentally, he knew it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. Because for Sirius, even after all he had done, he would still choose to jump off the first cliff he did back in 4th year. And it was that he would have to live with knowing.


End file.
